Surrogate Gifts
- Kayla Bergstrand
- Jul 24
- 3 min read
Intended parents frequently want to give their surrogate a thank you gift following the delivery. The challenge is finding something meaningful without feeling like you are falling short. Here are some tips I would like to offer, both as a surrogacy professional and as someone who has always cherished the art of gift-giving.
PLAN AHEAD
The biggest piece of advice I have is to start brainstorming the moment you are matched. It may seem premature, but the best gifts make the recipient feel truly known, seen and appreciated. That level of personal connection and insight takes time. Here are a few ways you can set yourself up to be a good gift-giver not only after the delivery but throughout your entire journey.
1. ASK QUESTIONS.
The most effective way to get to know someone is to ask questions.
What is your favorite color?
What are your favorite foods / treats / drinks?
Do you collect anything?
What do you like to do to relax?
What is one item you use every day?
What are your 3 favorite hobbies?
Where are your favorite places to shop?
What are you most looking forward to after the delivery?
What is one thing you have always wanted to try but never had the opportunity?
2. TAKE NOTES.
If you are like most parents, you have casual conversations with your surrogate on a regular basis. Take note of how she spends her time, the things that bring her joy and what she gets excited about. When she shares photos pay attention to the details. What is in the background - is her home filled with candles, plants, art? What is she wearing - does she always seem to have jewelry on? Is she constantly wrapped up in a blanket? Is The Office always on in the background? The little things can tell you a lot about a person, you just have to pay attention.
3. SEEK ADVICE FROM HER LOVED ONES.
No one knows your surrogate better than her close friends and family. If you are in touch with some of lucky individuals do not be afraid to reach out for advice. Some of the best gifts I have given surrogates have been suggestions from their family.
PERSONALIZE
No matter whether you decide to get your surrogate a fun, practical or sentimental gift taking the time to add a personal touch makes a big difference. Here are a few examples:
Incorporate your child's due date
Include a photo from your journey
Add a personal, handwritten note or card
Add an item that is representative of your home state or country
Include something you made yourself
DO NOT OVERTHINK IT
The truth is you will never find a gift that can compare to what your surrogate has given you, but that is okay. This is not a way to repay her; it is a way to show your care and appreciation. At the end of the day, she is going to love whatever gift you decide to get her.
GIFTS
Now it is time to get more specific. These gift ideas may not be right for you or your surrogate but hopefully they will spark a brainstorming session of your own. Some examples are more practical, some more sentimental and others just plain fun.
A framed heartfelt note or letter.
A necklace with your child's birthstone or birthdate.
A constellations map based on your child's due date.
Something representative of your home country.
Offer to pay for travel expenses for her and her family to visit you.
A spa gift card.
A photoshoot for her family or a shared photoshoot with both of your families.
A framed photo(s) from your journey together or of your little one(s).
Offer to cover her lost wages for an extended period of time.
Food delivery services or a temporary personal chef.
Surrogacy art.
A plant or flowers.
If your surrogate lives in a forever home with a yard you could even get her a tree to plant in memory of your journey together. Yes these are memorial trees but they can be used for other purposes - Memorial Gift Trees | In Memory of Gifts & Sympathy Trees
Happy shopping!
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